the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
