Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
