Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
