my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
