So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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