she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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