Please, let me fuck your mom
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Found your dick twin last night
I will be naked everywhere
I wish there were birth control emojis
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
