I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
