Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
