How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
