We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
