Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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