I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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