So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
