I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
