So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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