I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
