Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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