I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
