we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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