I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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