Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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