I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
