She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
