I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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