so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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