It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
