Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
