I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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