they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
