He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
