Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
