so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
