official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
