Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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