the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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