This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
