she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
