We're facebook friends in real life
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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