How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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