I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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