I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
