You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
