We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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