If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
