I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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