Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
