I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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