Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
