Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
