I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
